We often put a tag on ourselves, accepting only some parts of our personality. We accept a word like "independent" but don’t realize that sometimes we should say "selfish". We might like to call ourselves "ambitious", without realizing that we often act "stubborn". Here is a practice that can give you more insight on who you are and enable you to respond to various situations in your life with a better understanding of your actions. It is also useful to experience this exercise while trying to see yourself in a non-restrictive manner.

1. First of all, write down three personal qualities you have which you feel good about. For example:

I am dedicated.

I am dependable.

I am good at heart.

2. Secondly, add an "alternative reality" to each one of the statements. This means that you should find examples when the opposite of the initial statement is also true. Here’s how it might look:

I am dedicated in a work related environment, but sometimes I can also be easily distracted from my task.

I am dependable and trustworthy when it comes to my work place, but I can also sometimes be less dependable with my friends.

I am good at heart, but sometimes I act selfishly and without regards for other people’s feelings.

3. At this point you should reverse the sentence topics, and even modify some words if you feel it helps. Starting with the negative aspects that accompany your personality will give you more insight and offer you a better perspective on these issues.

Her is how it may look like after the transformation:

I am sometimes distracted from my work, but I am usually dedicated to my chores, especially in a business environment.

My friends may find me less dependable at times, but when it comes to work I am a person you can count on.

I sometimes ignore what other people wish, but I am good at heart most of the time.

Take a look at the last two lists (steps 2 and 3) and read them carefully for a few minutes. Don’t pay attention to the topic of the sentence but try to focus on the meanings your words expressed. Always keep in mind the purpose of this little exercise: "black" and "white" are rarely defining for a person. By identifying your duality you get a better chance of appreciating your actions and the responses they trigger.

You have also created a list of three qualities and three negative aspects that you believe characterize you. The first step in removing the negative characteristics was already taken – you identified them. Now it is time to put the exercise to practical use. Next time you find yourself in a situation where a choice has to be made or a decision to be taken, try to remember the exercise. Observe that particular situation from a dual point of view by acknowledging your positive features while also analyzing the attached negative parts. Practice can lead to a natural integration of this exercise in your conscious and subconscious mind. After a while, you may not even need to make a conscious effort to analyze a situation from both perspectives and this process will come naturally. A much desired objectivity can appear between your positive and negative characteristics, and you can use it to make the right choices in most situations.

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